I didn't leave the house today

I don’t think I have ever in my adult life stayed inside without leaving the house. That makes some sense, when I didn’t have to work back in Chicago I would leave the house to smoke and such. Now I can’t smoke and such. I wonder how long I’ll be able to keep up the no nicotine diet.

We left the capital where I arrived, yesterday. Only my parents came to meet me, we then had to travel to the city where we actually live in. I met my brother. First thing that came out of my mouth was “o my god, he’s so freaking fat”; today I asked him if he can balance a plate on his belly. I think he’d make a great waiter. One plate on each hand and third on his fat-ass belly. I haven’t actually looked at his ass, I’m too scared. He’s a nice guy though, I’m sure he’ll make a great father once his wife is pregnant. Two years now. I asked my mom if she thinks they’re not having sex. She says yes. How she knows, don’t ask me and I’d rather not know. No complaints about my sisters. They’re actually all pretty and super nice. GIRL POWER!

The other day I forgot I was with my dad and, out loud said, “there are so many freaking guys in here”. Good thing he didn’t hear me; or did he? There’s actually a very strong barrier when you try to translate from English to Arabic. Speaking English for so long I finally think in it then translate it to Arabic in my head before saying anything. It used to be the other way around few years ago. The other day I told my aunt that her laugh is so contagious. She didn’t get it. I just got silence. I think silence is a good sign that no one knows what you’re talking about. You become the huge pink elephant in the room.

There’s also a problem the other way around. I was watching TV and they were talking about America’s Independence day and that Declaration of Independence started with “all human beings created…” human being? I don’t think so. Because of this huge gap I learned the magic of pointing. I go to a store and I just point at things I want. Most people will not like that. I have realized how smart kids are. Life is so much easier when you point.

Another thing I forgot to bring with me. My digi camera. I did bring my D-SLR but it’s as big as my dick and you could imagine how hard it is to keep carrying it around everywhere. Was that line as funny as I thought it was? It’s actually very pretty in some parts in Yemen. I’ve included a photo for your pleasures. People here are, however, dirty. Especially kids. I want to take them home with me and scrub them with Clorox and Scott. It’s the only way. So dirty and I have the pictures to prove it.

I’m actually starting to enjoy my trip here, as long as I don’t leave the house.