I forgot my condoms and micro SD card slot. It’s officially hell.

I am being a little over dramatic here but can you imagine that I remembered that I did not bring two BIG sources of entertainment once I got to Yemen?!?!

It started when I got to Frankfurt airport. I had to wait for about 9 hours for my connecting flight, nine hours stuck in Germany with lots of Germans. You know, when I heard them speak I thought they talked about having crazy sex with each other. I’m sure that sometimes it was not the case but I just thought that all they talked about is having sex—and being violent at it. I did meat a Yemeni who told me that I’m too old to be single. I knew right there that Yemen has lots of pleasant surprises for me. I was full of excitement.

Then I get on the air plane. The seats are incredibly small. Made for Yemeni people. I specifically asked for a window seat because I can rest my head on the window after taking double the suggested dose of Vicodin. I just wanted it to be over. I get to my seat and there’s a nice guy sitting there. O hell no, that’s my seat bitch. He tells me that his seat is same is mine. I stare deeply in his little eyes and say “well the computer obviously made a mistake, let’s correct this, let me see your ticket”. I said that as sincerely as I could. My new friend there pulled the “I don’t speak English card” really, you want to play that game Yemeni midget? Ok, that’s fine. I was not going to start talking to him in Arabic so I just took my ticket and shoved it on the flight attendant’s face. As soon as I did that my friend spoke English only to say “well sit here if your ticket says here” I looked at him, shrugged then smiled as the flight attendant told him to kindly move his ass from my window seat. It’s on Yemen!