August 1999

I was looking for a book and I stumbled upon this. My amazing friend has something similar on her blog and you should read it too.

I may add some more excerpts later. We'll see. I'm directly quoting so not going to revise any grammar and/or spelling issues. My English language skills were almost non existent so be kind. Or not.

I used boy/girl interchangeably. It's interesting to see I've had such struggles without even realizing where they sprung from. I do not remember why I did use boy sometimes and girl other times to describe who I'm attracted to. I do know that I was talking about the opposite sex when I mention one. I.E. "I met a girl I liked" usually means "I met a boy I liked"

August 8th 1999
"my lover, he must be the best person in the world as I think so, must be beautiful, smart and attractive and maybe more. There's some girl that I love her like a friend and more I could love relationship if we have more time to know each other more because I only know her before one month exams start and unfortunately she left to Brittan after exams and she won't come again but after years maybe. So this is my story about my lover and I hope I'll find my lover one day

August 23rd 1999
"Yesterday my father's cousin and his family had visit us and one of them is a boy that big from me two years old. We was knowing each other before but now our relationship became stronger and I think he also feel same think that I feel towards him. And I hope we won't forget each other and there will be a strong relationship....he told me a lot of secrets because he trust me, like he smoke and watches sex movies without his parents know and many more things I can't write. p.s. bad hand writing because I'm sad he's leaving our house tomorrow."

August 29th 1999
"Before seconds my mother a movie because it's for big people, when she said that is that mean that I'm still small, I'm 14 years old now...sometimes when I was in my grandfather's house in Aden they had bought cable channels and one of them is the movie channel and everyone knows what the movie channel shows in it's move like "larry flint vs people""

This should be a great read for my therapist if I had one. What is this strange attractions towards the idea of relationship? I do believe that I took the literal meaning of it back then. Yes, there is a literal and non-literal take on that word. It's so loaded. Also, I clearly had and I still have trust issues.

fitting into boxes

I have noticed that people hate belonging into a box. Hate checking a mark into one. Gay? Straight? Bi? Asian? White? Single? I, on the other hand, love boxes. I simply adore them! After being so confused about where to belong in this world, I welcome boxes with open arms. Put me there and never take me out.